Shutterbugs: Eddie Munion



               EXT - SUBURBAN GARAGE

               In a cinematic establishing shot, we take in the pleasant
               suburban neighborhood until we reach the Munions' garage. 
               The door is up.  A sign taped to the front of the garage,
               written in a childish scrawl, reads, "Munion Investigations,
               Inc.  Consultations 25 cents and up"  EDDIE is dressed like a
               detective.  His best pal, GEE WILLIKERS MONTOYA, is dressed
               like a regular kid.  They are sitting, shooting the shit,
               when we join them.

                                   GW
                         Slugger McCaffery would hit a
                         million home runs off of Lefty
                         McGrew.

                                   EDDIE
                             (grunting)
                         Hm.  Whatever.

               They sit in silence a moment, when all of a sudden, vampish
               tyke SHEILA FONDANT slinks into the garage.  GEE WILLIKERS
               straightens up in his chair and slicks his hair back with his
               hand, EDDIE takes his feet off the desk, straightens his tie. 
               SHEILA poses seductively by the garage entrance, waiting to
               be greeted.  Both boys stand, each looking her up and down.

                                   EDDIE (CONT'D (CONT'D)
                             (sotto, to GW, out of the
                              side of his mouth)
                         Wouldja look at the gazebos on that
                         number.

               GW can only stare, gape-mouthed.

                                   DIRECTOR (O.C.)
                         Okay, great, perfect everybody,
                         that's the shot.  See everybody
                         back on the set at oh-two-hundred.

               Cast and crew head off, but before he can even finish turning
               around, DIRECTOR is physically stopped by Bobb'e J.

                                   BOBB'E J.
                             (pissed)
                         What do you think you're doing?

                                   DIRECTOR
                         I was... I was just... turning
                         around... to walk somewhere.... in
                         the opposite direction.  Wanted to
                         get some yogurt...  I'm on a... I'm
                         on an all yogurt diet.  For my
                         bowels.  And rectum.

                                   BOBB'E J.
                         We had an agreement.  Or did I just
                         dream that we had an agreement?

                                   DIRECTOR
                         I...

                                   BOBB'E J.
                         Why isn't Sean Reese Jeffrey here?

                                   DIRECTOR
                         There's been a little ch--

                                   BOBB'E J.
                         Sean Reese Jeffrey is Gee
                         Willickers Montoya.  

               Suddenly, from out of the shadows...

                                   SAMIR (O/S)
                         Not anymore, he is not.

               The Shutterbugs step into the light.

                                   BOBB'E J.
                         The Shutterbugs?  You two clowns? 
                         In what particular way have you
                         nitwits involved yourselves in
                         ruining this film?

                                   BILL
                         We bought it.

                                   SAMIR
                         Yeah.  It's ours.  

                                   BILL
                         This is a Shutterbugs Production,
                         and your presence is not required
                         on the set.

                                   SAMIR
                         Yeah.  So... go home.

                                   BILL
                         Yeah.  To your mansion.

                                   SAMIR
                         Yeah.

                                   BILL
                         Jerk.

                                   SAMIR
                         Racist.

               BOBB'E J. knows he's lost this round, so he turns to leave.

                                   BOBB'E J.
                         Enjoy it while it lasts,
                         ShutterBUTTS.

               This riles up BILL enough that he starts to go after BOBB'E
               J., but SAMIR holds him back and soothes him by stroking his
               hair and whispering calming things to him.

                                                                CUT TO:



               EXT. CRIME SCENE SET

               They are ready to roll on set, which is made up to look like
               the scene of a gruesome murder.  Cops, press, are all milling
               around.  EDDIE and GEE WILLIKERS crawl under the police tape
               and move in for a closer look.

                                   EDDIE
                         Jesus.  Whoever did this sure hates
                         broads.

                                   GEE WILLIKERS
                             (nervous, queasy, etc.)
                         What do you mean?

                                   EDDIE
                         Look...

               EDDIE points at the body.

                                   EDDIE (CONT'D)
                         He hacked out her entire snatch.

               GEE WILLIKERS begins to bawl hysterically.  A happy Irish
               COPPER approaches.

                                   COPPER
                         You kids shouldn't be here.  This
                         is a crime scene.

                                   EDDIE
                         You don't say.

                                   COPPER
                         You'd better run along now.

                                   EDDIE
                         Why don't you try telling that to
                         my dick, flatfoot?

                                   COPPER
                         Huh?

                                   DIRECTOR (O.C.)
                         Cut!  What the hell is that noise?

               The set breaks downs into mini-panic as the sound of ????

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