Two law enforcement dudes on a stakeout.  ONE is checking
               signals, lining up scopes, etc.  TWO is crouched beside him,
               drinking coffee and looking perturbed.

               TWO sighs loudly.  ONE tries not to notice.  TWO makes
               annoying fart noises.  ONE tries harder not to notice.  TWO
               sighs really loudly.

                                   ONE
                         What is it?

                                   TWO
                         What?

                                   ONE
                         Is there a problem?

                                   TWO
                         No. [beat]  This is just boring, is
                         all.

                                   ONE
                         I'm sorry?

                                   TWO
                         Well, you could have told me to
                         bring a book.

                                   ONE
                         We are on duty.  Remember?

                                   TWO
                         Yeah, yeah.  Guy in the building
                         across the street is tied to a
                         Colombian drug lord.  

                                   ONE
                         That's... that's right.

                                   TWO
                         Yeah, it's practically like we're
                         on Miami Vice, except our fashion
                         is a little more understated and
                         this is totally boring.

                                   ONE
                         You know what won't be boring? 
                         When we blow this assignment and
                         the old man calls us in and chews
                         us out.

               Beat.

                                   TWO
                         Why do they call it a stakeout,
                         anyway?

                                   ONE
                             (terse)
                         I don't know.

                                   TWO
                         It's weird.  Are we staking a claim
                         or something?  You don't really see
                         the word "stake" used as a verb
                         very often.

                                   ONE
                         Fascinating.  Now shut up.

                                   TWO
                         Staking our prey?  No, it's
                         stalking.  Stalking prey.  Hey! 
                         That's kind of what we're doing. 
                         We're stalking this guy.

                                   ONE
                         We're surveilling a suspect in an
                         international drug, murder, and
                         kidnapping ring.  I hardly think
                         we're stalking him.

                                   TWO
                         Maybe not.  Stalking makes it sound
                         creepy, I guess.  You couldn't call
                         it a stalk-out, anyway.  That
                         sounds like some kind of celery
                         party.

                                   ONE
                         Hm.  Yeah.  I was going to say
                         that.   "Can't call it that;
                         people will think it's a celery
                         party."  I think you should try not
                         talking for a little while and see
                         if that helps your stupidity clear
                         up a little.

                                   TWO
                         They should call 'em wait-n-sees or
                         wait-n-watches.  No, sounds too
                         much like Weight Watchers.

               ONE rises, takes his badge, and hurls it to the ground.

                                   ONE
                         That's it.  I quit.  I'm gonna
                         become a criminal.  

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